Brandon is passed out asleep already and I wanted someone to know that God sees me, so I figured the blog world will do.
This post has two back stories.
(You shouldn't be surprised.)
Back Story #1
On Sunday night, I pretty much was as bad as a hot mess can get. I mentioned in my post that I had talked to my dad and to Brandon. What I didn't tell you was that when I was talking to them, it was through choked sobs. I haven't had tears wrack my body like that in I don't know when. In fact, I haven't cried that hard this entire year...not even when they took Lily away in the hospital.
When we last left off in the proverbial story, I was desperately asking God to show me that he sees me. I was so confused about my life and what I should do. I needed God so desperately to tell me what to do. Nothing else was working. Clearly, my plans weren't. I just needed God to tell me what to do with my life.
Sunday night I slept horribly. I maybe got three hours tops. I kept myself busy so that I would sleep hard on Monday night. Brandon barely made it through our nightly prayer before I was out. I slept hard. I woke up at 8ish this morning and then fell back asleep until 11am. I needed to sleep. OBVIOUSLY.
Quick Back Story #2
I am doing the "Children of the Day" Bible study by Beth Moore. It's the first time I've done a study of hers.
Back stories over.
(Told you that last one was quick.)
WAIT. I forgot to tell you that I'm a week behind and am catching up. I did three days worth today.
Okay. NOW the back story is over.
(Still was pretty quick for me.)
(I'm just sayin'.)
HERE'S MY POINT: God sees me!
Tonight, I did the fifth day of the first week. It felt like that last page of this day of study was just for me. At the end of the study was a verse,
"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is going to be revealed to us." - Romans 8:18
I realized that this verse was about the glory and hope I had in heaven. Then, I immediately thought about a verse that has the phrase, "make paths straight" and so I whipped out my bible app and
Proverbs 3:6 says, "In all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."
I had told my dad that I needed God to tell me what to do.
I can't find the quote that's short enough or a clip. At the end of the movie, "The Wizard of Oz," Dorothy has been left by the Wizard and she is afraid she won't be able to get home. Glinda the Good Witch of the North shows up and Dorothy pleads desperately for the Good Witch of the North to help her. Glinda says, "You don't need to be helped any longer. You've always had the power to go back to Kansas."
Like Dorothy, I didn't need the help of the world, which was pretty much every way I had turned so far. I turned to Brandon, my dad, and the Committee, and to the law, for help to grieve, help to know what to do with my life.
Tonight I turned from my worldly gods of success and pride and even family and friends a bit to God.
God was telling me what to do with Proverbs 3:6. He's going to make my paths straight and clear up the confusion in my life. All I have to do is seek is will in everything I do.
Do I have the answers to all those questions from the previous post? NOPE. But I'm going to seek God's will in every way of my life. I'm not worried or nervous about how it will all play out.
When I bought that study work book last Friday, God knew where I would be on Sunday night. He knew where I would be on Monday. He knew where I would be today all day. He knew where I would be tonight too.
Because He sees me.
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