So. Halloween sucked big hairy balls. (I'm sorry mom.) But it did. I didn't think it would. I've honestly never cared about the holiday all that much. Now that I'm on the "parental" side of things though, I kinda was looking forward to this year. I realized that when I spent Halloween and the day after in tears.
I've spent the past couple of weeks recovering and trying my best to prepare for the upcoming holidays. I have never wished for January or appreciated January in my life. But circumstances can do that to a girl sometimes. I'm very much a respect the bird kinda girl this year only because putting up Christmas decorations makes me sad. I also have pumped the brakes on social media A LOT lately. It's just something that helps me not be so sad.
(Note: I don't say this crap to make y'all feel sorry for me. It's just where I am right now. I am posting it for the simple fact that life won't always be like this. I want to look back and see how far I've come.)
I've also decided to not take the bar until the summer time. I need to clear my head as best I can. The best way I can describe my grief right now is a cloud of fogginess. I am always always always thinking about Lily in the back of my mind. I just am. Sometimes it is directly, and others indirectly. But the fog is always there. Some days, I can see through it and it almost seems to clear. Other days, it's so thick that I pretty much just have to pray for Jesus to help me get through it.
BUT. Having said that, I still want and feel a calling on my life to be an attorney. The responsibilities that come with that are serious and I don't want to do anything to jeopardize that or be in a situation where the responsibility becomes a burden.
The other area that we are waiting on is more babies. I know a lot of women that started trying pretty much as soon as the doctor said they could. But I know myself. I know that I'll worry from start to finish once the stick turns pink. So in order to not have that going on in the back of my mind while I am trying to study for the bar next summer, we are waiting for babies as well.
(Note: I say this as politely as possible, but if you disagree, please keep it to yourself. It's not your life or your future babies or career at stake. It's mine.)
So what else is going on lately? I've been doing Believing God by Beth Moore and LOVE IT! I've never experienced a place like this in my faith. I don't think that's a coincidence either.
ANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNND the most fun news is that I'm working for Old Navy now. I'll have everyone know that I've worked three times now and I haven't shopped yet! That's some serious self-restraint on my part if you're new around here. IF you're not new, then I just scored for the home team!
I hope this finds you well.
Do not be afraid
9 minutes ago