Thursday, August 2, 2012

The Million Dollar Question for a Southern Married Woman.

Tonight I was talking to one of my best friend's older sister (did you follow that?) and she asked when I was done with school. When I told her, she said, "Ya know, once you're done with school, you won't have a legitimate excuse anymore to not have kids."

I really didn't think much of it because I know she understands how important my education is to me.  She then went on to say that I should just pregnant before I take the bar and pop one out before my career really got started. She said it would be easier to be pregnant before I was working.  Welllllll, I don't really agree with that option. I don't want to be sick while studying for the bar and I don't want to start trying and then be four or five months along and miscarry because I was taking the bar.

And just to further play devil's advocate because my family and B's family read this, we're not sure if we'll start right after I'm finished with the bar either. (Ya like that one mom?? I'll just bet you thought you had our time frame figured out didn't cha?)

I digress.

The point to this little diatribe is that not all of the women from my hometown are like my pal mentioned above. Some are much more direct.


They can't for the live of themselves understand why I'd want to wait to have kids.

In case you're new to the ole' blog, let me update you quickly on the relevant facts.
  • My husband and I have been married for almost five years.
  • I'm 27.
  • I'll graduate from law school in December 2013. 
  • And the most important factor: WE DON'T HAVE KIDS. DING! DING! DING! 

IF YOU FEEL YOURSELF TEMPTED TO GET ON YOUR HIGH HORSE, STEP DOWN NOW. PUT THE HORSE BACK IN THE STABLE.

THIS ISN'T THAT POST.

We're not the people who don't want kids. So if you think that's where this is headed, you're wrong.

But in all honesty, the above facts pretty much mean that I've been pushing it since I was 23 years old aka my wedding night. 

I know it's a big deal to go against the grain in the South. I am aware that according to traditional standards, I was supposed to get married, announce we were pregnant after the first year was up, and we should be working on number two right now.

For the most part, I am traditional. In fact, The Plan I had for my life intended on me being there right now.

The Plan included:
  • Graduate from OU with a Political Science Degree
  • Get into law school.
  • Start looking for a husband.
  • Have kids.
All before my high school reunion NEXT summer.

My parents and extended family bought into the plan big time. It was pretty common knowledge in my hometown what The Plan was too.

However, there is a part of me that's totally and completely rebel. I've been this way since I was born TWO WEEKS LATE. To say I like to do things on my own terms is an understatement.

AND?

God had different ideas about The Plan. It wasn't that He didn't like it or hadn't blessed it. He just knew that how things played out were going to have to be different for me. He knew that when I was going to move across the country to go to law school that I was going to need not just anyone.

I was going to need the love of my life.

I digress...again. It's the future lawyer thing. My bad.

Where was I? Oh yeah. The Million Dollar Question.

I'll never forget the first time I was asked this question seriously. A lady from my home church asked me shortly after my ego was bruised from not getting into law school the first time I applied.

She said something to the effect that now that I wasn't going to law school, was I ready to start a family.

I'm pretty certain I couldn't control the snort from coming out of my mouth.

Afterwards, people continued to ask, even when I found out I got into law school.

THEY STILL ASKED.

And then the questioning slowed way down when I started law school. Things were rolling along just fine. We made it through the first year of law school. Brandon got his first big kid job.

AND THEN...

A dang baby boom happened.

It seemed like every time I turned around, someone was announcing they were pregnant.
They were dropping like flies and the girls who I thought were holding out like I was were biting the dust left and right.

The pressure was suddenly back on and any time we went home, I could feel the question just sitting there dying to be asked.

Because you see, in case you missed it in the above side note, IN THE SOUTH, after awhile, if you don't have kids people think there is something wrong.

And before I knew it, I found myself to be one of the last ones from my class to be without child.

The question has returned in full force. People know it's still a ways because I have to finish school, but it's close enough that I think they think we're trying to pull a fast one on them and surprise them all. You know make some major announcement within the next year or something.

Y'all, that just ain't the case at all.

So here's my response to the big bad million dollar question not that any of the truly nosey people from my hometown can see this

We want kids. We want them a lot. We will have them one way or another.

But the when and how is no one's business but me, Brandon, and God's.

We also have learned a lot in the last two years about trusting God on HIS timing. We have been talking about this a lot more recently, which is huge for us. We used to not talk about it at all.

And. if that answer doesn't work for ya, then...

Tough titty said the kitty.
Too bad so sad.
Ya better call the Waaaambulance.

Oh, well.

Happy Thursday!
 
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2 comments:

Christine AKA Girl Versus Kitchen said...

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for writing this. If one more person asks me when I'm going to have kids, I might SCREAM!!!!

KUDOS TO YOU!

Kara said...

Oh my lord. Being preggo during the Bar sounds like the worst idea I've ever heard. I haven't mentioned it, but that Bar experience is the worst experience of your life. Seriously. Nothing compares. You think you've been through law school and you know how it will be, but multiply that by 100 and then you might be closer to understanding how bad it is. I cannot imagine being preggo during that stress (& I'm not a stress ball either- I never really found law school super stressful).

I also think that you would be better suited to start your career, then have kids.

Do your own plan and tell everyone else to MYOB!

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Hi y'all! The name's Samantha. You can call me Sam if you like. I am a lover to a boy I met at Falls Creek in the summer of 2005, that is a student of Jesus, a Sooner born and Sooner bred and when I die I'll be Sooner dead, Democrat by party, blonde to the core, and oldies but goodies kind of girl.
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