Saturday, November 24, 2012

I used to weigh 239 pounds.

This is my 1000th post. I intended it to be a fun and light-hearted one about me and my blog. I haven't welcomed potential new readers or old ones back to my blog in awhile. I thought it would be a good opportunity to do that.

But things change. And this post is more important.

Without going into specifics, tonight someone tweeted a picture that was offensive to me and my sister. It wasn't offensive because it was football related. It was offensive because the reason why it was considered funny is because the woman was big.

I've been on the fence some time now about when I was going to post my "number." If you're a regular reader, you know what number I'm talking about. If not, I'm talking about how much I weigh.

For some time now, I've thought about writing this great big post about how far I'd come and post a lot of pictures. And I daydreamed about gushing on and on.

But shit happens and so you get this post instead.

In case, you haven't figured it out, I'm a little mad as I'm writing this.

Telling someone your number is a big deal. It's a source of pride and disgrace. It's like revealing a big deep dark secret that if found out, could break someone. Usually the someone is the person who is the owner of the number.

On January 10th of this year when I started,  I weighed 239 pounds.

As of Tuesday, I weighed 181.6 pounds. I still have 31.6 pounds until I reach my goal. (Told you I could have been on Biggest Loser.)

I have fought extremely hard for that 57.4 pounds. Key word in that sentence: FOUGHT.

When you have as much weight to lose like I do, it's a battle.

It's a battle of the mind.
It's a battle of good choices versus bad choices.
It's a battle of the wills.
It's a battle of deciding how bad you want it.

The point? If you haven't picked it up already, is that it's hard. It might be the hardest thing I've ever done in my life so far.

And the hardest part of all is deciding who you are in the fight.

You're either a victim or a survivor.

I am a survivor.

You wanna know why? Because when someone makes a fat joke again for the umpteenth time and says, "Oh you know I was just kidding!" I don't accept it. When you pick on this fat girl and joke and say it's funny to cover yourself. I promise you, THIS fat girl doesn't find it funny.

I find it to be exactly what it is: rude, hurtful, mean, and downright ugly.

And then I see that person and their comments in a second light. I see them as motivation. I pick myself up by my bootstraps and kick ass and lose more weight.

They don't get the power over me anymore.

But when I started?

When I weighed 239 pounds, I was fragile.

When I looked like this, I couldn't say the same.



I have a very strong personality. I always have. But my kryptonite always has been and always will be the words that people say. So if I had seen that joke when I looked like that, I probably would have bawled secretly for days. It's probably why it burns me as bad as it does now. I remember what it was like to be her. Hell, less than 11 months ago, I was her...and in most ways, I still am her.

The point? I didn't get to where I am now over night. I had to start somewhere. Everyone does.

So the next time you think about making fun of someone because they're fat or don't look like you, think about how you'd feel if someone did the same to you.

I guarantee you, you'll think twice before you open your mouth. And if you don't, then you need to get your priorities straight.

Welcome to my blog. As you can see, I have a low tolerance for bullshit in the form of  rude people who suffer from diarrhea of the mouth.

Happy Saturday.

9 comments:

Susannah said...

So, so proud! And those people are posers!

Heather (Live.Love.Laugh.) said...

Wow awesome job. I lost 80lbs in college and have kept it off for 6 years. I go up and down 5-8 pounds but I haven't gained it back even with a pregnancy.

Keep up the good work!!

Christy said...

I'm so glad that you put the hater in his place. Way to go, girl!

LWLH said...

You've come such a long way and I don't know if it means much from me, but I'm proud of you girl.

And I can understand where you're coming from to a point. I am also that girl who appears to be 'strong' but will cry secretly for days because of someones cutting words.

I say eff those haters though and I'm glad you stood up for yourself and many other girls who feel this way. Love ya girl.

Gina said...

I'm so emotionally fragile that I VERY recently made a conscious choice to step back from a friendship because he is too emotionally fragile and it's a recipe for disaster. I know how words hurt. I'm sorry someone posted something offensive. I don't find fat jokes funny either. Keep it up, sister.

Jessika said...

First I would like to say how freaking PROUD I am of you. Takes guts to get up off the couch and work your rear-end off to make a lifestyle change. And that my friend has no comparison. When I saw your sweet sister this week, my eyes did not recognize my BFF since I was in 1st grade. Sam you and Jess have become beautiful women who have a new found self worth about yourselves. I've seen y'all at your biggest and now I see you at your smallest. Second, I need a blame kleenex, but anywho. Loosing weight is hard work. Keep kicking it in the behind, it's obviously paying off. You can kick the last 30 lbs. And last, I shall see your face soon! It's almost CHRISTMAS!!!!!!! Hang in there. Love you!

Perfectly Imperfect said...

I personally think you are amazing. Because you have worked your ass off to get to where you are. Most people don't have anything they find worth fighting for that hard. You did. That, in my book, makes you a rockstar. Keep at it woman.

Katie @ Loves of Life said...

Girlfriend...as someone who STILL doesn't tell "her number" publicly on her blog? I get it. I really do. It is scary! And I am proud of you. You are stronger than me.

I also don't find fat jokes funny. It is a vulnerable, hard place to be. I am not around twitter so I have no idea what it was, but I'm sure it would have burned me, too. This past week at my work meeting some fat jokes were flying around and it was just so....cruel. And I just kept shaking my head thinking WHEN will this crap stop? ugh.

Mrs EyeCanSee said...

I remember having sweaty palms the day I posted my number on the ole blog. Prior to that...I hadn't told a sole! It was scary, but I wanted to put it out there so someone else struggling with their weight could find some inspriation in knowing it CAN be done! We are BOTH proof of that!

So proud of how far you've come. It's a shame we have to live in a world that only sees thin as beautiful.

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Hi y'all! The name's Samantha. You can call me Sam if you like. I am a lover to a boy I met at Falls Creek in the summer of 2005, that is a student of Jesus, a Sooner born and Sooner bred and when I die I'll be Sooner dead, Democrat by party, blonde to the core, and oldies but goodies kind of girl.
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