Wednesday, March 27, 2013

What is on my heart lately.

I didn't go to Blissdom, but I really wish I would have. However, if you want a good re-cap, click right here.

One of the biggest things that shot straight through to my heart is that multi-tasking is a myth. I know that several times a day I will have my iPhone right beside me, with the tv on, and I've also got an episode of whatever tv show it is I am watching.

This happens ALL! THE! TIME!

And y'all it doesn't stop when my husband walks in the door or when I need to be focused on homework.

It is like my mind is constantly on white noise mode and I am not giving my one hundred percent to anything. Instead, it is split up between multiple things and things and people fall through the cracks. Lately, it has been my husband who is falling through the cracks.

And I finally apologized for it today. Honestly, I just felt like a big old jerk.

I hate that it has happened, but there is a reason for it. There always is.

A few weeks ago we announced that we are staying in Michigan. Deep down, I know that this is the best choice for us right now.

And one of the reasons that I know that it is right for us is because it is the hard choice.

It is the choice that we are going to learn the most from and it is the choice that is going to push us and change us.

Most importantly, it is the choice that is going to make us rely on God.

But Y'ALL that hard part. It is so VERY hard.

The hard part means we won't be back home with our families. We will miss out on my sister and brother's junior and possibly senior year of high school. We will miss out on our nieces and nephews growing up, participating in sports, and 4-H.  I will miss out on my sister going out on her first date.

The hard part means it is a possibility that our parents won't be around all the time when our babies are first born. We both know that in our hearts, Michigan isn't a forever thing for us, but still when I've dreamed about kids, it has always been with parents close by.

The hard part means we are going to have to make friends all over again because the majority of the friends that are in school with me are moving after graduation back home. And the ones that are staying here most likely won't be in the same arena (law wise) and also none of them are in the same place in life that Brandon and I are. And that makes it hard to connect with people sometimes. It just does.

The biggest hard part is that it also has a lot of unknowns with it. 

And so I've been sad about all of it. I'm mourning this lost time in a sense.

I've been hiding out with the white noise because if I have a thousand and one things going on, then I don't have time to be sad and work through my emotions and process. The only time that I've let myself think about it entirely is when I am running. Running is my time to think out the hard things and to just pray about it.  I think that is why I have been running so quickly lately.

Unfortunately, the grieving process can be all consuming at times and often it strikes you when it isn't convenient, hence the hiding.

I realized that I'm missing out on what is going on right now. I also am missing out on giving my one hundred percent to the people and things (schoolwork, since finals are looming) that count. I also am missing out on what God has for me specifically through this time because I am so plugged in.

I don' t think that I am going to step away from social media entirely, but I am going to take a more organized approach to it. Because it can wait. Bonding with my husband (and other family members for that matter!) and making good grades and taking care of my body and being healthy cannot. 

Happy Wednesday!

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Hi y'all! The name's Samantha. You can call me Sam if you like. I am a lover to a boy I met at Falls Creek in the summer of 2005, that is a student of Jesus, a Sooner born and Sooner bred and when I die I'll be Sooner dead, Democrat by party, blonde to the core, and oldies but goodies kind of girl.
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