Yesterday when I was on the plane from Atlanta to Phoenix, I started reading the Lysa Terkeust Made to Crave 60 day devotional.
But first a little back story....
These last 20 pounds are hard. And I've read over and over again that when a person loses a ton of weight, the last pounds are the hardest because it is harder to lose weight at that point, but it also determines the girls or boys from the men and the women. Basically, you have to dig deep and work hard and push through some last barriers. Not all of the barriers involve pushing yourself in your workouts harder. Most of them are emotional.
I read Lysa's 21 day devotional on the Bible app and LOVED it. I'm gonna be real honest for just a second. This whole weight loss thing...I haven't exactly relied on Christ as much as I should have. Her 21 day devotional opened my eyes to that tremendously.
So I knew that I needed to bite the bullet and buy her 60 day devotional.
Fast forward to yesterday on the plane. She has a "Thought for the day" at the beginning of the devotional and this was the first thought: "Unsettle me in the best kind of way. For when I allow your touch to reach the deepest parts of me--dark and dingy and hidden away too long--suddenly, a fresh wind of life twists and twirls and dances through my soul."
And not one of those little ones either.
I'm talking, I sighed audibly, rolled my eyes, and pursed my lips tightly because I was so disgusted that God wanted me to just jump right into things.
And now for a little confessional: Hi my name is Samantha and I am a control freak. (Hi Samantha!)
I also have high anxiety.
When something out of my control happens, I am a hot flipping mess.
Some people struggle with patience or contentment, me I struggle with letting God be in control and just doing His work.
And I am hard core stubborn too. (I've heard it's an attorney thing.)
So when I read that sentence, I heard "DANGER WILL ROBINSON!" and I really thought, man I don't want to think this thought or pray this prayer, because when Jesus messes with me and works on my heart, it does not look pretty.
But I thought, I need to suck it up. And then I got cocky. I thought, He won't mess with me that bad.
Fast forward to me getting off the plane and me finding out Southwest lost my luggage.
ALERT. ALERT. DANGER. WILL. ROBINSON!!!
I was a class A grumpus. I hadn't seen my husband in two days. That is a long time for us, but I was so peturbed about it that I couldn't even enjoy seeing him and loving on him.
I wasn't myself when I got to meet Katie and her husband either. I was a complainer. I don't like complainers.
Katie has a serious heart of gold. I told her Southwest lost my luggage. She asked my shoe size and told me she'd be at our hotel to pick me up for a Target run so I could still run my race in the morning. NO QUESTIONS ASKED. This was the first time we met each other face to face too!
(Important Side Note: The High Coverage Sports Bra at Target is BETTER than the Moving Comfort Juno and it doesn't cost $50 either! #yeahIsaidit #andbythewayyouarewelcome )
And still after all that, you would think I would snap out of it. I knew it too. I commented on how I was annoyed with myself for being such a complainer. I get annoyed with them in life in general and I could feel myself getting ready to get disgusted with myself.
And yet...that night, I went to bed worrying about my luggage and woke up worrying about my luggage.
Brandon rolled over and took one look at me and said, "I can see it in your eyes. You need to go for a run so you will get over yourself about your luggage. It will get here. Stop worrying about it so you can enjoy your trip."
I definitely rolled my eyes and thought, "I shouldn't have read that stupid book."
I got up and got dressed and we hit up the race.
The whole time I kept feeling sorry for myself because I didn't have my running gear with me.
They played the Star Spangled Banner. Cue my first breaking moment. I was nervous about this run because the Pat Tillman race is in honor of a war hero. And in light of this week's events, it made it even more emotional for me.
And in that national anthem, I let go and I just let God start to move in me.
Twenty minutes later and we met Grumpus and her daughter Sourpuss who were so rude they wouldn't move to let a little girl and her momma get out of the corral because the little girl needed to pee.
At that point, I couldn't wait to run because A) I wanted to smoke them and 2) I needed to be with Jesus.
Running is almost a form of church to me. It is my time to pray and think and be with Jesus. I know I listen to rap music and I realize some might find that hypocritical. But when my feet hit the pavement, it is about nothing but me, God and the road. It is one of my ways to worship.
And let me tell you in that run, I just let God have it. I wasn't happy about my luggage.
The biggest reason that I was upset was because I didn't have my shoes.
I thought, if my luggage gets lost or stolen, then please let them take my Chi flat iron and Pandora bracelet, but man don't take my running shoes.
Runners are superstitious. We eat the same, we get dressed the same, etc. if in the past we've had a good race day afterwards.
Well I wasn't in my socks, knee brace, compression shorts, bra, tank, doo-rag, or my beloved shoes and I still had one of the best runs I've had in a long time.
Everything was set up to go so wrong. Instead, it went so right.
And I know that was God being in control of it.
I still had a pair of shoes, legs that worked, and clothes to wear. Who cares if I didn't have the other stuff? And when I realized that at Mile 2, it was so freeing.
Hebrews 12:1 says, Let us run with perseverance the race marked before us."
It doesn't say, "Let us run with Mizuno Wave Inspire 9s, a Moving comfort bra, compression shorts, running socks on in the race marked before us."
It just says, "Run it."
I ran it in 43:55. That is a 9:45 pace.
So when I got lost after the race because I left my phone in the car - because at this point, what else could go wrong, was gonna go wrong- I stopped myself and thought, what am I going to do?
Twenty minutes later, I could feel myself starting to get edgy. And then I prayed about it. "God guide me with your wisdom on this situation."
And I looked up and saw someone with an iPhone. Asked to borrow it and tweeted to Katie.
Met up with Katie less than five minutes later. I'd call it the power of Twitter and technology, if I didn't prefer to get hit over the head anymore about giving up the reins to God anymore.
We got into the car and headed to Chick-fil-a and Katie was showing me the sights. She told me about a rap concert that Snoop Dog had at a place in Tempe and her seriously adorable little girl Addison said, "Momma, what is a "Snoop Dog?"
And after a fit of giggles from the adults in the car, I realized, I didn't need all of my stuff to have that moment.
I just need people and I need Jesus.
So what is my point to this hot mess of a blog post?
Well it is this: When you pray for Jesus to unsettle you, get ready because He will. It will be ugly, messy and your worst parts will come out to show for the world to see, but also, you will have great stories and memories made and love shared and learned as well.
And it will totally be worth it.
P.S. Not five minutes after we explained Snoop Dog and his conversion to Snoop Lion, I got a phone call from Southwest saying my bag had arrived and was on its way to my room.
Well played Jesus, well played.
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