I've been thinking awhile about this little space of mine. This past semester has not lent the time for me to blog regularly like I used to. I think that comes with major transition. I also have about a cajillion other things going on as well, so the thing that had to take a back seat was my blogging.
It has given me time to think about why I write. When I started writing 6 months after I married Brandon, it was a way for me to process how my life was going. And it still is. Whenever there was bad or good, this was my place to talk about it.
My family is going through a hard season right now. I don't want to go into the gory details because it's not my story to tell, but my family could really use your prayers. I am swamped with major life changes and don't feel like I can be there for them like I would want. My ability to be there for them is going to remain limited until after the bar. It's part of the life I've chosen. And so I have to rely on God to be in control of the situation.
I don't know if you've been reading here long, but that whole letting go of control isn't exactly a strong suit of mine. I'm from the school that when something goes wrong, I have a moment to be upset about it and then I get after it.
Well, there is only so much I can do because in the next few months my life includes bar application, national competition, finishing externship, moving cross country, the holidays, and then after all of that: I study for the bar.
No time for life. I have a small reprieve from when I move to before I start studying for the bar. I plan to be as in the moment with my family then as possible. But it'll be limited because even then I'll need to start getting used to studying.
And it's in the past two weeks and realistically this semester - because let's be honest, my blogging has sucked this semester - I've realized that this space for me is still about finding the good in the middle of the crazy horrible awful.
My running was a good outlet for that as well. It was my time to think about and process those things that were bothering me, pray about them, and then figure out how I was going to deal with them.. And now that I'm out of that outlet literally thanks to a stress fracture, I can feel myself tensing up again.
Don't worry, I'm going to be on a stationary bike like it's my job in the next few weeks to keep my legs in shape. I'll tell you all about it too.
All runners will understand me when I say this: There is just something about the road that calms me. Lacing up my shoes, plugging in my jams and pounding out the world's troubles one step at a time is something that can't be compared.
What does this all mean? I guess the long and the short of it is that I need to come here to process. So that's what I'm going to do. Sometimes it's funny. (And by funny, read I think I'm funny.) Sometimes it's light and fluffy. Sometimes it's hard. But it's all me.
Hope this finds y'all well.
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