Brandon and I talked about kids for a year. Of course, we've talked occasionally here and there, but it was mostly a "We're not all that ready for kids...still" conversation. Mostly, because I knew that I didn't want to be in law school while pregnant. But also, we really just wanted to take the time to enjoy one another.
The conversation began to shift last winter after we came back from Christmas in Oklahoma. We knew that we needed to start talking about a "plan" as best we could. We knew what was ahead of us for the year at least we did school wise, but we didn't quite know where we would be.
In June, Brandon got his job back in Arkansas and it was almost felt like the dam broke with regards to the baby conversation. Mostly, because we knew we would be close to family again. I think part of the reason why we didn't talk about it as often was because we thought for awhile that we'd be far away from our family and that was a hard thought to process. So when that was no longer a worry, we started to let ourselves entertain the idea of being a mommy and daddy.
Last fall, I had a really good opportunity to see what it would look like for me as a practicing attorney. And it's just as I expected, a lot of work that I really love doing, is what I am facing. I also realized that I'm not super crazy about a long commute anymore. I also had great really supervising attorneys that were serious badasses in the courtroom and the best mommas too. So I started asking them questions about timing. I know that might sound crass to some, but for my world, it's just a conversation that comes with the territory. Taking maternity leave is harder in some ways for attorneys because the work and cases don't stop. There are court dates that cannot be pushed and so typically another attorney has to step in and help another attorney. Life goes on is what I'm essentially saying.
At the same time, we had some very dear friends that were at the height of their infertility struggle. We both knew of people that had struggled with infertility, but we also had never known someone really close to us. We were heartbroken for them and talked about it often. So we decided that around Thanksgiving we would just see what would happen. We went into it with the attitude that if something happened, great, but if not, we'd be okay. I had the bar coming up and knew I'd probably not be in the best conditions stress wise because I'd be worried about the bar. My period came in December and I was disappointed a bit, but it was also the first time I'd let myself think we could get pregnant. Thankfully, I didn't have a lot of time to think on it because we were moving and also the holiday season was quickly approaching.
If you've read this far, this is where you read how we found out that we were pregnant. I know that some day
We went to Tulsa for our anniversary, had dinner, went to see American Hustle and stayed at a hotel. It was a fun little getaway. We had time to talk about our goals for the next year and it was fun to just be us again. Two days later it was Christmas and we enjoyed spending time with our families. We celebrated the New Year and it was time to start studying for the bar. Two weeks into studying I was supposed to get my period and didn't. I was late. And I'm never late. I haven't been on birth control for over three years and one of the reasons that I lost weight like I did was that my period was starting to stretch out which I knew was NOT a good thing. It was one of my turning points for me.
I told my husband and the committee (Jess and Jessika) that I was two days late, and went back to studying. I tried desperately not to think about it, but like I said, I'm never late. By the way, I was late when I wrote the post about staying with my parents while Brandon was out of town on business. If that gives you some time frame. Four days later, I started to really wig a little bit. Brandon was coming to my parents that weekend so I told him that he should pick up a test on the way here because if we bought a test in my hometown it would be front page news before I could pee on the stick. And since we hadn't told anyone that we weren't exactly preventing things other than our parents, we were trying to fly under the radar. I hadn't told my mom that I was late either so we were really trying to pull a fast one by me taking the test in my parents house. He wasn't going to be at my parents until late day number six. On day five I woke up feeling weird. Not sick or nauseous, just weird. By day six, my boobs felt a little sore, but not anything unusual. I normally get sore when I start my period. So I talked myself out of it. By the time Brandon got there on Thursday night, I was a hot mess because I was so wound up. He got to the house and I felt like I was on a secret mission trying to get into the bathroom without making a big deal out of it.
So, I peed on a stick, sat it down and I looked back and it showed the plus sign immediately. We didn't have to wait for the two minutes. I walked into our bedroom at my parents house and told Brandon that I was pregnant and he said, "Well, I guess I work." It's a total Brandon statement and I totally cracked up.
I'll tell you how we told our parents tomorrow.
But for now, we were excited and scared at the same time. We didn't expect it to happen as quickly as it did, but we were very happy too.
So I guess I'll see you tomorrow!
Happy Hump Day!
When You Feel Wounded By Your Own
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