“But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.” – Luke 2:19
"I'll be seeing you
In all the old familiar places
That this heart of mine embraces
All day and through
In that small cafe
The park across the way
The children's carousel
The chestnut trees, the wishing well
I'll be seeing you
In every lovely summer's day
In everything that's light and gay
I'll always think of you that way
I'll find you in the morning sun
And when the night is new
I'll be looking at the moon
But I'll be seeing you..."
I’ll Be Seeing You – Billie Holiday
How does one begin the story of meeting someone that was already gone from this world?
I suppose I’ll do what anyone else does…start as best as I can from the beginning. Sunday night, I talked to the Committee. I told them that I had spoken earlier with a friend from law school. When I talked to her about everything it felt like I had somewhat come to terms with everything. I felt like I had been grieving for three months, and I was as mentally prepared as I could be. I could feel myself ready to stand up and fight again. In other words, I was starting to feel like myself. I don’t think it was a coincidence that I felt this way. I also think that this was God helping me stand up and be me more than I knew too.
Tuesday, I woke up, thinking I was headed to another doctor’s appointment. I had lots of questions about the child birth process. I also wore a new maternity shirt that I hadn’t worn before. My brother was headed a float trip and my little sister was headed to the doctor’s appointment with us. Jessi was at work in Edmond. My parents were still on an Alaskan cruise celebrating their 35 years of marriage. After the appointment, I planned on going back to my parents’ home. We would be back at our place that weekend once they got back. I had planned to finish up all the birth plans, pack my hospital bag, finalize the funeral plans, and do a few other fun things for the doctors and nurses. We still were looking at an inducement date later in the month, so I thought I had time.
I thought it was going to be just another day. I thought I had more time to plan.
After I took on the bar last week, I had been actively fighting swelling in my feet, hands, and face. I hadn’t been worried about my feet. I knew that was a normal part of pregnancy. But I was worried about the swelling in my hands and face. I’d read that there was a significant percentage of women pregnant with Trisomy 13 babies that had preeclampsia. Some of the normal signs were the face and hand swelling. I also had just felt bigger. When I got to the doctor’s office, I had weighed in and had a 9 pound weight gain. The most I’d ever gained in a period in between all of my doctor’s visits was three pounds. I told the nurse that had to be water weight because I had been swelling a lot. She raised her eyebrows when I said where I’d been swelling. Asked if I had been puking or having any headaches. I told her I had one the day before the bar. I took a nap that day and some Tylenol to try to get it to go away but woke up feeling worse than I did before. I got another eyebrow raise. She asked her other questions and said she’d be back. She came back and said while we were waiting for the doctor, he wanted me to do a urine analysis just to check. So I drank some water. Found the doctor’s wife who is also his lead nurse and told her I was ready to pee.
Went back into my room and waited for my doctor to come in and tell me what I already knew: I had preeclampsia.
I tried to remain calm because I didn’t want Brandon to worry any more than I knew he already was.
Shortly after, the doctor and his wife came in and said I had preeclampsia. My urine “lit up the analysis stick like a neon sign.” I very naively told them that I wasn’t going to fight anything, but that I still wanted to wait as much as I could because my parents didn’t get back until Friday. The doctor very politely said, “Well let’s see what is going on in the ultrasound. You may not have a choice.”
We went back to the ultrasound room where the doctor had confirmed her analysis three months earlier. I quickly noted that we hadn’t been there since that time. Loren sat to my left this time so she could see her niece. The doctor talks to me while he is doing the ultrasound, usually. This time he looked around and then he said, “Samantha, her heart is enlarged and there is some swelling on her brain. The problem with that is that sometimes it’s an indicator that something is also going wrong with the momma. It’s called Mirror Image Syndrome. It can be dangerous. So you can’t wait. We are going to induce tonight. I want you to go get a good meal, get your things and then come back to the hospital. I’ll answer any questions you have.”
I asked him all I could think to ask with tears rolling down my face. He said he was so sorry that things didn’t work out the way they did. He told me that at that point he was glad I had finished the bar. That was his goal for me. He didn’t realize that my mom and dad would still be gone. I told him that was the hardest part because I knew it would be so hard for them to get back in time. I thanked him and told him I would see him soon. His wife told me that she wouldn’t be there for the delivery but that she wanted to come by afterwards.
At this point, I want to pause in the story to say that despite the reason that we met our doctor and his team, we are extremely grateful for them. They have been a huge blessing to us. There were so many reasons that they were the right doctor for us instead of where we were. I am so grateful that my husband insisted on staying with the specialist. Because of Brandon’s discernment, we were taken care of a wonderful doctor who respected us a great deal, tolerated no BS with regards to my health, and was still very personal. He and his wife genuinely cared for us as people. Even on our toughest days in the office, they were able to bring light to the situation. They were ministering to us whether they knew it or not.
The three of us got into the elevator and hugged each other and cried. I told Brandon that he needed to call Jessi because we had a change in plans. He said that he already had let her know and that his momma and daddy were packing and on their way. Loren started texting Will to get off the river as fast as he could. At the time I thought my parents were at sea. So since I couldn’t call my momma and daddy, I called the next best option, I called Karen and Dick. Karen told me that as soon as Dick got home from work, they were on their way.
We then went home to grab Lily’s things that I had thankfully left there because I didn’t think I would need them until later in the month. I put them in a bag for her and grabbed a bag for myself to put a few things I would grab from Target because I had left everything at my parents. We made our Target run, grabbed some food and headed to the hospital....
I'm stopping at this point not because I want to keep you in suspense, but because I'm really tired. I hope you'll be understanding of that. I'll hope to have more for you tomorrow. As you can tell, this is the back story which kind of goes with how I write my posts. I don't want to leave anything out because this is important and for my family.
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