It's really quiet in my house right now. Brandon is at work and a load of laundry has just finished up in the dryer. I'm sitting at my desk right now. I was working on a Bible study, but I stopped for a bit.
I stopped because as I stared out the window while I was thinking about something from the Bible study, I realized today is the first wet rainy day of fall. There have been a few glimpses of a day like today, but not a good full on rainy day until now.
Normally, on this first good rainy day, I take a nice hot shower. Then I put on a pair of my favorite warm socks, my best sweats, a good tshirt, and a hoodie. I fix myself a bowl of soup or popcorn if I didn't have chicken chili ready to go. I'd find my favorite blankets and prop up my pillows just right. Then I'd pull out the Christmas movies and decide which ones I wanted to watch when. I'd pop it in and watch another after another until Brandon got home to grumble about watching Christmas movies before Thanksgiving. He's a big "Respect the Bird" kind of guy you know, but he'd watch with me all the same. We would laugh at some of our favorite parts and some other parts we found funny for the first time.
This moment is exactly the kind of thing I was looking forward to sharing with Lily. I know that even if she was healthy, she wouldn't have been able to understand the movies. But it would have made the day even better. I know her daddy would have still grumbled, but he would also have been the first to get on the couch with us and snuggle. We would have had to curb our laughing a bit so we didn't wake her. We probably would have fought over holding her since it would have been another first or maybe I would have been relieved to see Brandon after a long day. It's anyone's guess.
Even though it makes me tear up thinking about all the firsts, it also makes me smile too. Grief and joy go hand in hand that way. It's weird at times how that works.
Like I said, the laundry is done. Guess I'll go get it out and get back to my bible study.
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