Last week when I should have been studying for the MPRE, I watched BooMama's keynote speech at Allume. Someone mentioned it on The Twitter and I pulled it up quickly, because well I just love her. Even though we have never met, I consider her a mentor of sorts on how to do this blogging world thing. She is southern, blonde, an avid football and baseball fan, a family person, and she loves Jesus hard.
Not to be all spoiler alert on y'all, but SPOILER ALERT, she gave a talk that I have thought about every day since. She spoke about Mary and Elizabeth and their time together when they'd both found out they were expecting John the Baptist and the Big Kahuna, Jesus. She spoke about how they were for one another, even when they shouldn't have been, by society's standards.
But the part that resonated with me the most was when she asked a question to the audience. She asked, "Does it ever just hit you that this is the first time we are doing this ministry thing on the world wide web?"
That question cut through me like a knife. I'm a future attorney. Sometimes I feel limited in what I can say. Not because I'm revealing confidential information about anything, but because I am putting myself out there for the world to see. I don't know if you know this or not, but the legal world, is cutthroat at best. The things I say can be used against me. The more vulnerable I am, the more I am considered to be weak.
On the flip side, I still need to be bold in my faith and the telling of my story.
That question made me think, "What do people see when they read my blog?" and "Have they seen Jesus?"
With a quick examination that didn't include me reading through all of my posts, people will find my view and thoughts on losing weight, being married for almost seven years, moving across country to go to law school, my love or dislike for the Real Housewives, the loss of my first-born Lily, my obsession with the British Royal Family, the Kennedy family, and Sooner football.
But do they see Jesus consistently? And do they see me championing others even when the world tells me I shouldn't?
I have to be honest, I know there are some posts in here that don't.
Right now, I'm going through a hard season, but there are a lot of people around me going through good seasons.
"Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn." - Romans 12:15
I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now in my life. Whether I like it or not, being part of the momma's that have lost a child club, is part of my ministry. What will others see about this time? I can tell you that while Lily's death hurts and I am struggling like I never have been before, I still feel a sense of rebirth and hope. I so desperately want a clean slate. I want to be as confident as I once was. I want to be fresh and a light for Jesus. I am wrestling with my faith as many often do when they lose a loved one like this, but I want others to see that this time can be survived and even thrived in.
Some day, it will be my turn to rejoice. For now, it is my time to mourn. God has me where he needs me, even if I hate it and even if I'm ready to be done with this time. There things I wouldn't be open to otherwise if I were not in this place.
I hope from here on out, you see me as someone who champions others, no matter where they are in life.
(You can find the link here for BooMama's keynote here. I highly recommend it. Obviously.)
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